The Aces, live at KOKO London

A few years ago I got tickets to see one of my favourite bands perform live. Then the pandemic hit, and over the course of two years the event I’d been looking forward to for ages was postponed, cancelled, re-booked, then cancelled once more. I didn’t blame the band at all, obviously it was out of their control, but that didn’t stop me from being disappointed. So naturally, when they announced another tour including a London date I was desperate to get tickets. And I did.

On Thursday 24th August I saw The Aces live for the first time and it. was. EVERYTHING.

Using the setlist I nabbed from the sound engineer’s desk and the myriad photos and videos I took on the night, this post is a series of vignettes inspired by the songs that The Aces performed at the show. (Not unlike my Conan Gray Superache review.) You'll notice that the setlist is different in a few places - I have no idea why, but I'm not complaining because the songs they added are some of my favourites! The album that each song is from will be in italics beside the song name – be sure to check them out!

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Always Get This Way – ILYFSL

Spinning in circles in your living room. Wind rushing through your hair as you drive with the windows down. The sanctuary of a friend’s bedroom. Sunglasses indoors on a winter’s day. Doom scrolling before your morning coffee. Those awkward autumn days that are freezing in the morning and boiling in the afternoon. The unmitigated embarrassment of people pointing out your mistakes but loving you anyway. Shaking the anxiety out of your hands before holding someone close.

Don’t Freak – (single)

Staring into a mirror until you don’t recognise yourself. Talking into thin air when you’re home alone. Mindless scrolling so the pain of the world is numbed. Undiagnosed autism. Sincere questions with veiled answers. Cutting bangs in the middle of the night. A deep breath before speaking up. Shouting your fears into what you think is a void and having a stranger’s voice echo back.

Solo – ILYFSL

Video games under the covers. Dreaming insanity and waking up wonky. Understanding that change is inevitable but hating it anyway. The realisation that you’re not alone in feeling alone. Standing on the beach by yourself while all your friends are in the water. Thinking that the sheet tangled around your feet is a demon trying to drag you down. Pulsing lights obscuring your vision in a club. The beat of a bass shuddering your heart within your chest. The pounding of obscurity. Watching the sunrise from behind the curtains after staying awake all night.

My Phone is Trying to Kill Me – Under My Influence

Coming-of-age summer montage. A smiling group photo behind a cracked phone screen. The thrill of riding a motorbike on a mountain trail. Knowing it’s a bad idea and doing it anyway. Picking your battles with a blindfold on. The problems of a modern-day Romantic. Finding the tech-age oppressive and freeing all at once. Connecting with strangers and letting them break your heart. Your friends telling you to get over it as they message their exes.

Girls Make Me Wanna Die – ILYFSL

Fields of wildflowers being pressed down by bodies. Ash falling to the ground in a beautiful swirling pattern. Vintage shopping as a first date. Queer joy. Queer pain. Queer freedom. Holding hands with a girl for the first time. Knowing she wants to kiss someone else. Hoping she’ll settle for you. Screaming at the top of your lungs until someone loves you back. A race to see who gets their heart broken first.

Not the Same – ILYFSL

Passing someone on the street and pretending you don’t know them. Reading the same line over and over again until it’s tattooed on your heart. Hating the way you want to search for their social media. Something awful making you feel so good. The anxiety that runs down your arms at the thought of them. Shaking the electricity out of your fingers so you don’t call them. Tears in your eyes when you see a stranger that looks like them. The ache in your gut as you meet someone with the same name.

I Can Break Your Heart Too – Under My Influence

A boat rocking slowly, water sloshing at the sides, until you forget you’re on a boat at all. The way the villain licks their lips when they’ve caught you in their trap. Casual reckoning. Shaking your head at the couples fighting around you. A game of cat-and-mouse where you are both cat and mouse. Going to the fridge for a hot drink. Idolising the worst person and not being shocked when they let you down. Coming to terms with the fact that only you control your life. Independence of the heart.

Miserable – ILYFSL

Kicking your feet up on the coffee table when your mum’s not home. Routine that slips into tediousness. Driving the same streets every day for sixteen years. Aging backwards but your body not getting the memo. Moving out and realising the hard truths of the world. The fraternity of loneliness. Attempting to skip rocks on rushing water. Knowing your friends feel the same but never voicing the thoughts. Looking around your apartment and seeing five items, total. The older generation telling you that you should be grateful for what you have.

Suburban Blues – ILYFSL

The unparalleled crush of a life unlived. Bordered-up store fronts with posters dated two years ago. Smiling when the camera is pointed on you. A dress and heels when your brothers get to wear suits. Compulsive heteronormativity disguised in Bible teachings. Opening up to someone who forgets the next day. Your mum telling you look beautiful and immediately you feel ugly. The looks you get when holding your friend’s hand in public. (Acceptance, finally.)

Person – ILYFSL

Bleary eyes and bright lights. Wind in your hair as you drive through a tunnel. Waking up at three in the morning in a room you don’t recognise. That bitter taste in the back of your throat when you think of what you said last night. Screaming obscenities until you don’t know language anymore. Collapsing into a hug after a fight. Hot tears running down your cheeks even as rage courses through you. Not knowing if the rage is about them or yourself. Watching your neighbour pack the car and leave his wife. Feeling seen and feeling ugly.

Attention – ILYFSL

Walking down the street with a skip in your step because of the music blasting through your headphones. Pretending that you can’t remember where you hid the shoebox full of all her pictures. Knowing you’re not enough and giving up trying. Valuing self-worth above all but struggling to believe it. Silent tears in the middle of the night. Running a hand across tired eyes. A bruised heart in desperate need of a bandage. Hanging out with friends in a place you know you’ll run into her. Kissing while making eye contact with someone else.

Volcanic Love – When My Heart Felt Volcanic

Movie marathons that end with you wanting more from life. The tumultuous butterflies of a first love. Tripping over air when they smile at you. Leaving a movie theatre and blinking at the sun. Loving someone but not liking them. Hiding your red cheeks behind cold hands. The awkward passion of the first night. The awful obsession of the last. Feeling weighed down by your heart and caged by your body.

I’ve Loved You For So Long – ILYFSL

Love in all forms. Dancing with your best friend until you collapse into laughter. Saying I love you like it’s a reflex. Communication that leaves you both feeling lighter. A lifetime of love that extends across the multiverse. The smell of a homecooked meal when you’re in a strange place. A missing puzzle piece found and placed exactly where it’s supposed to be. Making a house a home. Unfiltered joy. Queer history. Finding your people. Remembering the reason you fell in love in the first place.

Younger – ILYFSL

A letter to your fourteen-year-old self. Wishing for hope. When you would listen to music just loud enough to annoy your siblings. Pretending to be a different person when meeting new people. Masking your everything to fit in. Hoping one day it will get better. Sleepless nights of existentialism. Those days you sit with friends and plan for a future together that will never happen. The future, where you’re finally happy. The contentedness of admitting you’re lost. The freedom of being older despite not knowing a thing.

Daydream – Under My Influence

Long-distance that lasts. The old saying: if you love something, let it go. If it was meant to be, it’ll come back. Dropping everything to be with the person you love. Your thoughts consumed by them 24/7. Insomnia caused by closeness. Those driving-along-the-California-hills montages. Airport hotels and their liminal existence, enclosing importance for six hours. Faithfulness when everyone said it would fail. Keeping the hoodie you stole that first night for as long as you both exist. The frustration that comes with not getting what you need. Electronic whispers of sweet nothings in the dead of night. Wishing they were with you during the mundane of the day.

Stuck – When My Heart Felt Volcanic

Having the same conversation every few months. Hoping for change but never seeing it come to fruition. Waiting for them to make the move, knowing that they’re waiting for you to do the same. Being blindsided by the truth that you were avoiding. Having a solo dance party in a locked room. Not being able to voice your feelings because you know it will make things different. Talking and talking but never really saying anything. Finally believing that the eyes are the window to the soul. Keeping routines that aren’t productive. Reaching boiling point in a pressurised container. A chess game with invisible pieces.

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Well, you’ve read this far, you may as well check out the playlist I made of the setlist and see if you think the vignettes match the vibes of each song. Be sure to let me know what you think and have a go at writing your own versions – I’d love to read them!

C x