When you’re approached by a Girl Scout selling cookies… please DO NOT:

1. Mention your diet.

2. Speak down to them, causing a ripple effect that will result in their grandchild needing weekly therapy sessions.

3. Say that you can’t have them in the house otherwise you’ll eat the whole box, as if it is a bad thing to respect your desires.

4. Ask which cookies are the healthiest.

5. Summon an eldritch god in the hopes that they will subsidise the cost of the cookies.

6. Buy every box in an attempt to posture yourself as the most generous being on the block, despite the fact that just last week you tried to haggle at the charity store.

7. Point out your body flaws.

8. Or their body flaws.

9. Talk about calories like they’re not the very thing that keeps you alive.

10. Pretend that the child is invisible. This will wreak havoc on your town.

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This poem was inspired by a post I stumbled upon on Instagram last month. When I first began reading it, I thought it was a poem. I quickly realised it wasn't, but my creative interest had already been piqued, so this poem was born! We don't have Girl Scout cookies in the UK so I could only imagine what kind of shenanigans happen at a sales pitch. I'm sure the eldritch gods are very common though.

~ C x